by Jean Teasdale
Jean's Proverb of the Week!
Depending on how you look at it, I either work part-time, or I'm semi-retired!
You loved it in The Onion...now test your "Jean-Q" online!!!!
Check it out, gang...my first-ever letter of recommendation!!!!!
An Open Letter To The Guy Who Had The Gall To Say I Had Low Self-Esteem!!!!!!! 
Jeanketeers!! Your opinions sought for an exciting new project!!!
NEW SECTION!!!! Whoops, My Bad!!!! 
Just for fun: AN ACROSTIC ABOUT ME!!!!
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Welcome to my personal web page!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jeanketeers, you're looking at a DREAM COME TRUE!! (No, it's not Patrick Swayze at my doorway wearing only a G-string, but it's just about as sweet!!!!!)
You see, even though you get to read about my adventures (and misadventures!!) in my regular Onion column, you don't always get the REAL real me. That's because my writings are heavily edited, often to the point where even I can't recognize the finished product!!!!! For example, in my unedited versions, there are a lot more exclamation points. And what's wrong with that? I have a lot of enthusiasm for life, and my motto is: Go for the gusto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (See?)
Other things that get the ax are the cheery little margin-doodles I draw on my original, handwritten copy. Bet you Jeanketeers didn't know that I'm a cartoonist as well as a columnist! Probably not, because there's this unwritten law that newspapers have to be dull, gray, and dreary, and so it's out with Pantsypup and Mr. Freckles! I always thought it was a shame that my artistic gift couldn't be displayed alongside my gift for writing, but my editor said my drawings weren't "relevant to the content of the columns," and he added that they were "stupid." What does that old grouch know, anyway? But I took it in stride. After all, sometimes that's how the cookie crumbles...until now!!
And those are just two of the many things you'll learn about me!!! I'll be adding new stuff to the site, too, because I know a lot of you out there need a regular Jean-fix just to get through your day!
That's what excites me the most: The chance to make FRIENDS. This will be such a great way to reach out! It's not like I don't have friends already, but with my traditionally busy lifestyle (lots of job-switching, maintaining a nice home for me and my hubby Rick, AND writing my column), sometimes it's hard to socialize. Like, at my last job at the Fashion Bug, my co-workers were forever going out for drinks or bowling and whatever, but even if they had asked me to join them, I would have said no. It's unfortunate, but that's the price you pay when you're creative. But here, I know I already have a built-in fan base of faithful Jeanketeers—and I know you'll never fire me or poke fun at my weight, as, I regret to say, people I encounter face-to-face sometimes do. But here, we'll have an advanced, evolved friendship of the future, unsullied by disappointing rendez-vous, misunderstandings, and tearful breakdowns. (Although I'm always up for this online dating I've heard so much about! Hubba hubba! Just kidding!!!! It would take a crowbar to pry this wedding band off my finger!!!!!!!!)
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Me and Hubby Rick: The Original Flower Power Couple!
(That's supposed to be a hook mustache on Rick. I wasn't really sure how to draw it.)
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I want to thank my buddy Patti for putting this web site together. What a miracle-worker!!! I never would've had the patience to learn how to do php—even with all the free time I have from being unemployed. And did you notice she found a Pegasus for my site? (Pegasus being my personal mascot.) I was worried she wouldn't be able to find one on the Internet, but she came through with flying colors! I owe you big time, Patti!!!!!!!!
Enjoy!!!
Love,
Jean
Potential employers: Check out my impressive resume!!!!!
Need a babysitter? Email Jean!
Read some Jean Teasdale fan fiction!
Click here to see all my old columns from The Onion!!
ISN'T THIS THE CUTEST THING EVER??!?!! IT WAS SENT IN BY A FAN!! IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE KITTIES DON'T LOOK AT THE INTERNET!!!! THANKS, FAN!!!!!!
ANOTHER HILARIOUS KITTY PICTURE SENT BY A FAN!!!! I AM HELPLESS!!!!!!!!!!
"Remember... Life is short...
PAMPER YOURSELF!"
© 2005 Jean Teasdale