Dear thespooj@hotmail.com (and, yes, I am revealing your e-mail address to the whole world),

I don't understand how a complete stranger can e-mail someone he's never met and claim to know the inner workings of her mind, but that is exactly what you've done. Just because I write a column about my life doesn't mean that you have the right to say whatever you want about me! I have feelings, you know! And to say that I have low self-esteem is not only a low blow, it's just plain stupid, because there's so much evidence to the contrary!!

If I have such low self-esteem, thespooj, then why do I value my own happiness and comfort so highly? If you walked into my apartment, you would immediately trip over all the throw pillows and Afghans and comforters! I have more scented soaps and candles than The Body Shop! And you'll never catch me trying to squeeze myself into a pair of heels and a tight, uncomfortable dress! No sir! I've never understood why women who dress to the teeth are considered more professional and self-confident than those who don't. Couldn't they be hiding an insecurity of their own? I like my skin to breathe and my body to feel unconstricted. Give me a roomy pullover top and cotton leggings any day! (A woman who doesn't own a pair of pants with an elastic-band waist doesn't know what she's missing!)

I believe in giving myself rewards. Not in a greedy way, but in a way that serves to remind me that life is all about pleasing ourselves. If I stop by the Pamida to pick up some paper towels, and I see a discount on Hershey bars, am I going to say to myself, "Stay on focus, Jean; there's some serious wiping to be done at home?" Heck no! I'm grabbing those Hersheys, plus some marshmallows AND a box of graham crackers, fixing me s'mores over the stove-gas flame, and using the paper towels for napkins! What's life without a little enjoyment?

Not everything's perfect, I grant you that. I don't own my own home or have a child (yet!!), and I always have credit card debt. Oh, and I was recently diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. But I don't beat myself up about these things. What's the point? Stress and worry kill hopes. Hubby Rick likes to say that the only time I ever save money is when I forget to retrieve a $5 bill from my winter coat before putting it away for the season. Well, if I didn't miss the money in the first place, how does it harm me? Then, come next winter, I'll be pleasantly surprised when I rediscover the $5 bill! So, I actually come out ahead, right?

If you want to accuse me of being lazy, go ahead. Frankly, I can't take those accusations too seriously, seeing as they often come from some pretty unhappy people! My pal Fulgencio recently told me that this really (w)itchy girl who was our immediate supervisor at Southcentral Insurance got fired for insubordination. She used to give me a hard time about not being conscientious enough about my work and coming in late and so forth. Well, turns out she got into a big dust-up with Doris, and claimed that the data entry department was inefficient, and nothing got done correctly. Doris saw this as a challenge to her authority, so she canned her on the spot. I can't say I was sorry. Maybe she was finally getting some comeuppance for making everything her problem. If she had laid low and rolled with the punches, maybe she'd still be there! Call me lazy if you want, but when was the last time you stopped to savor the smell of chocolate chip cookies baking, or stroked a kitty's head, or enjoyed the touch of Polarfleece against your skin?

Anyway, thespooj, of all the outrageous remarks you made in your e-mail, the worst had to be your insistence that I leave hubby Rick! Where did that come from?! Are you this nosy and tactless with your own friends? Sure, Rick and I have our differences, but that doesn't mean that our marriage is a joke! (Sheesh—no wonder there's so much divorce, with attitudes like thespooj's!) If I have such low self-esteem, then why would I be married for—count 'em—nearly twenty years? Correct me if I'm wrong, but a person with low self-esteem couldn't handle marriage. They'd say, "I'm too stupid and ugly to ever be married to anyone." I have never once said or felt that! Sure I grouse about Rick—but doesn't every wife have a bone or two to pick with her hubby? If that's not true, then just about every sitcom, every female comedian, and even Erma Bombeck herself (R.I.P.) has lied to me through their collective teeth.

I don't think people with low self-esteem generally have their own newspaper columns, long-lasting marriages, or spend their own money on nice curtains for their windows, even though they rent. So, next time you go accusing someone of having low self-esteem, thespooj, you may want to do your homework and choose someone who's not on public record for consistently believing in herself and injecting a little sunshine in everyone's day!!!